I am working on an poem. I haven't written one in months. Inspired by some sticky conversations today, here goes....
Stretched, Torn, Strained
Allowing all the pain
Allowing myself repeatedly
I find myself again
I lose myself again
Never forgotten bruises return
Forgotten scars re-emerge
I am alone again
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: Cranberries, John Mayer
Sunday, June 27, 2004
I am working on an poem. I haven't written one in months. Inspired by some sticky conversations today, here goes....
Friday at work? Zero focus. I got some busy work done, but I was so wanting to be out the door with the earlier groups that headed up. The only things that kept me sane were my silly inquisitive calls to John at Target Optical. He cracks me up!Rosie got a ride to my mom's house with Lisa Dobbins. I went up in the car with Christine Crossley and Wendy Hall. We had wonderful conversations of hillarity, especially about bad dates and singles wards. I talked with John for a while (my eyes have lost weight!) We got to the cabin around 8:15 and had a delicious potluck dinner. I dined on junk food, gossiped with the ladies, enjoyed the lake view, played some get-to-know-you games, and had a heavenly pedicure.
Morning breakfast and devotional were wonderful. So many wonderful people in the ward, I got to know a few people I didn't know before. On the way back we stopped at LaBeaus for raspberry shakes and I got some homemade amaretto cherry fudge. Came home with Mandy Erb, Valerie Davidson, and Amy Thelin. And oogled over Kaden (what an adorable child!) I talked a lot about the history leading up to my divorce and a lot of the issues that I have dealt with, including my sleep problems and medication worries. They were very understanding and had some good insight.
When I got back into town, I went out to Justin's house. We watched "Pirates of the Carribbean." I hadn't ever seen it yet, but I definitely enjoyed it....especially Orlando Bloom. (although I'm not too sure about the pencil-thin facial hair) I was so sleepy from two consecutive nights of sleep and I fell asleep a few times, so I will have to watch it again when I'm not so tired. We also took a drive up to Donner Park and had a talk. I am feeling some hesitations about Justin, and he's having some about me. So we discussed that and we decided to pursue a friendship in lieu of a relationship. I am okay with that. I'm not sure I'm ready to settle down with exclusivity yet either. We decided against seeing the fireworks together, and coming back from his house I missed about half of the fireworks. I was sad.
Ended up having ice cream with John though. We started watching "Ghost" but I was too tired. I need to get back on a good bedtime schedule. I am such a zombie this morning.
Today we get a new bishopric. I need to get ready for church now.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Thursday, June 24th, 2004
I am soooooo ready for a vacation. Granted, an overnight RS retreat at Bear Lake isn't as tempting or relaxing as say....a tropical island. But it is long overdue. Some girl talk, junk food, spiritual message, a long enough drive to feel like a little road trip. I'm stoked.
Rundown of Thursday:
Worked CWG denial report. Same stuff as last quarter. And all my correspondance. Yuck Yuck Yuck
Text message from Danimal. He's a bagger. I'm jealous (4 strikes in a row!)
Planned with the work ladies an escapade to watch "Campbells" play volleyball in the company tournament tomorrow. Mm Mm Good!
Talked with Justin at lunch. Joked about my arm owie. Can't wait to see him Saturday.
Declined an invite from Tyson to go to a movie tonight. Sad, but I had to work.
Dined on chinese cuisine and worked a little Quickbooks at Linda's. Clueless.
Went to take Rosie to drop her off at Steve's...he talked me into borrowing my car so he could run some errands. The car ride was the most we've talked face to face in months. Quite awkward, especially when he asked if we would ever get back together. I told him not to plan on it. And listening to him sing along to the radio made me remember how much it bugged me. A lot of things I don't miss...but some things I do miss. I really miss his family. I wonder if they miss me. Butler Family reunion is on July 5th in Idaho. Why am I so strangely tempted to drop in? I will always be connected the the Butlers/Perrys through Rosie. I wonder if they still consider me a gold-digger who wasted his inheritance.
I am watching Rosie snooze on the couch. She is so beautiful. The other day she said "Gracias for being my mommy." It was so sweet. (I love how she's mixing in Spanish words) I am so blessed to have her. Sometimes I feel the pressure of being a single mom and get a few twinges of sadness and doubt, wondering if my life is being stifled from opportunites (such as being a full time student) But then I think of the sweet things she does....singing primary songs, picking flowers for me, her huge grin and beautiful eyes, the ways she comforts me when I cry. There's nothing better in the world. Everything is Rosy, since I found my Rosie.
Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: Coldplay, Eclipse, Rockapella
1. Name? Nicole
2. Birthday? 2/5/80
3. Favorite color? That's a hard one. I would say purple, electric blue, lime green, and silver.
4. Shape? Definitely, definitely a STAR
5. Relationship status? divorced
6. Love kids? Absolutely, especially Rosie.
7. Favorite car? I love my 2000 Honda Civic..I'll drive it till death. I do really like Passats, Priuses, and CRVs.
8. Keenest sense? smell
9. Favorite article of clothing? Either my denim jacket or pajama pants
10. Favorite ice cream? Ben and Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie, Blue Bunny's Lemon Zinger, and Maggie Moo's Cinnamoo (with brownie bits)
11. Favorite restauraunts? Chevy's, Tucci's, Johnny Carino's, McGrath's, Rumbi Grill, European Connection, Happy Sumo, Rodizio, anything Japanese
12. Aura color? blue and crystal are equal (check out www.auracolors.com/test.htm)
13. Store you could max out a credit card at? Old Navy, Dillards, Bath and Body Works, ebay
14. Signature scent? Clinique Simply (but I also like Happy and Happy Heart,victoria's Secret Love Spell and anything citrusy (duh!)
15. Gold or Silver? Silver
16. Mint or Cinnamon? It's a toss-up...but I'd have to say cinnamon
17. Describe your toothbrush: Purple and white Oral-B electric (and you gotta have the SATIN floss)
18. Boxers or Briefs? Neither
19. Vocal Part? Alto I in Viva Voce, Alto II in Sterling, Soprano 2 or Alto in ward Choir
20. Instant Messenger? Addicted! cuteculturechick on MSN, and nicoleandrosie on Yahoo!
21. Favorite scent on opposite sex? I love Hugo, Drakkar, and any of the Calvin Kleins. As long as it's light...
22. Do you emode? Uncontrollably...I've probably taken every test...
23. Do you ebay? Yep
24. Favorite letter of the alphabet? I really like R and Q for some reason. Although now that monograms are back in style....N is ultra-cool!
25. Do you believe in Santa Claus? yep
26. Favorite Network? VH1
27. Mistletoe-shy? Nope
28. Religious Affliliation? LDS
29. Cartoon character you most resemble? Snow White or Betty Rubble
30. Favorite TV shows? Gilmore Girls, ER, American Idol, Survivor
31. Reality TV junkie? Depends on the format
32. Scariest experience in you life? Being in the ICU on life support with Lung Failure (althought I was in a coma for most of it)
33. Hugs or Kisses? Again, a toss up. Either way, there's got to be an emotional connection or it's not as fulfilling. As much as I'm a kissaholic, I'd have to say hugs. (as for Hersheys....almond hugs)
34. Favorite feature? My blue eyes...but I've got a great smile too
35. Do you ever meet anyone off of the internet? I have before....
36. Coke or Pepsi? Diet vanilla coke
37. Nike or Reebok? Nike....but I LOVE Doc Martens
38. Favorite Books? Le Petit Prince, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, LDS Fiction, the scriptures
39. Free-time activities? Bargain shopping, singing, acting, attending concerts and theater, bowling, scrapbooking, roller skating, dancing, camping, exercising, outdoor stuff...
40. Something about yourself that nobody would know? I have completed 9 journals since Jr. High
41. Favorite music? Alternative and Pop, but I like just about everything. My favorite groups are U2, Matchbox 20, Sting, Sarah McLachlan, Dixie Chicks, Jason Mraz, John Mayer, Eclipse, Beatles, TMBG, Sting, Michael Buble, Norah Jones, and cheezy, sappy, 80's love songs. I'm also an A'Cappella junkie! Ooh, and acoustic/bluegrass too!
42. Favorite moves? HELP! Better off Dead, Say Anything, Legally Blonde, Moulin Rouge, musicals, etc...
43. Gum or mints? Cinnamon altoids, Doublemint Gum, or Bubblemint Orbit Gum
44. Ever been bungee jumping? Always wanted to...
45. Ever been TP'ing? Yep...and got caught...
46. Most embarrassing moment? I have many humorous ones...since I'm an actress I don't really get "embarrased" easily. I'll usually laugh it off. Although I was mortified when the lipstick kisses on a HS crush's car stained the white paint...
47. Celebrities you have been compared to? Madonna (back in her cone-bra days) Rosie O'Donnell (pre- Flock of Seagulls hair) Demi Moore, and just recently Courtney Cox and Jennifer Connelly.
48. Nicknames? Oh so many....Nicolie, Cole, Snow White, Trixie, Attention Deficit, CCC, Citrus, Dear, Chica, Gorgeous, "Elementary my dear Watson," Sister Kapp Perry, Jello, Nicoletta, Zoe, and my recent favorite....SMOKIN' HOT!
49. Dream role to play? Either Ado Annie in "Oklahoma" or Lucy in "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown."
50. CD in your player? It's a mix CD that I made for Ryan for valentines Day and kept a copy of. Has Eclipse, Michael Buble, Norah Jones, Pretenders, Dido, Lisa Loeb, and "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life"
51. Do you collect anything? Souvenier shot glasses...I have about 40
52. Favorite song of all time? Sheesh, that's a hard one...a few would be "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney, "Something" Beatles, "In Your Eyes" Peter Gabriel, "(Stay) I Missed You," Lisa Loeb, "What a Wonderful World" Louis Armstrong, and soooo many Sarah McLachlan Songs.
53. Favorite Place to be Kissed? Huh, you think I'd make that public? If you want to know bad enough, you'll have to figure it out on your own!
54. Mascots of Schools you have attended? I was a Wilsonville Jackrabbit and Byrom Bobcat in Elementary, Hazelbrook Hawk and Riverview Rebel in JR HIGH, and Murray Spartan. Then I was a Ricks College Viking (It will always be Ricks to me)
55. Last Movie you saw? In the theater, "stepford Wives," and "Be Somebody, or Be Somebody's Fool" in the VCR.
56. First CD you ever owner? I got three for my 12th b-day....MC Hammer "2 Legit to Quit," Amy Grant "Heart in Motion," and "The Sound of Music" soundtrack
57. Last concert attended? I went to a couple Peter Breinholt shows last week, but the last BIG concert I saw was Kelly Clarkston and Clay Aiken (friend won them off the radio) and before that was BNL.
58. What fact would nobody guess about you? I can peel an orange in one curly piece.
59. First Concert Attended? NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK! (still a guilty pleasure)
60. Do you feel like this meme was a waste of time? I don't know...did it entertain you??? If so, it's not a complete waste of time.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Today at work I was having a conversation with a co-worker about music, and was lamenting my missing CDs from my March car break-in. He said, "Okay, I'm sick of hearing about all the CDs you USED to have. Go ahead and replace them and get over it!" So here is the list of the CDs I had stolen....and miss terribly. If any of you have ways to help me "replace" them....give me a holla!
TMBG-The Early Years (1&2)
James and Morgan Garrett-Songs of the Savior
Madonna-The Immaculate Collection, Something to Remember
Sarah McLachlan-Surfacing, Mirrorball
Mo-Tab-Consider the Lilies
Jericho Road-Jericho Road
Sting-Ten Summoners Tales, Brand New Day, Mercury Falling, Dream of Blue
Turtles, Fields of Gold (Best of Sting)
The Police- Greatest Hits (original and remastered versions)
U2-All that you can't leave behind, Joshua Tree, Rattle and Hum
O Brother Where Art Thou stk
Muppet Show-Twenty years of mayhem soundtrack
Notting Hill soundtrack
My Best Friend's Wedding soundtrack
Matchbox 20-Mad Season
Allison Krauss-New Favorite
Howard Jones-Greatest Hits
Viva Voce-all 2002-2003 concert archive recordings
CAN YOU SEE WHY I'M SO UPSET? These are just the replaceable ones. I have lost some of my best mix CDs and some local/rare stuff that can never be replaced. I know there's other stuff, but this is all that I could think of right now.
*sigh* I feel better now.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Saturday I took Emily out to Kneaders for a belated birthday lunch. Oh, how I love their turkey sandwiches on focaccia (with extra Kneaders sauce!) But even better than the food was the company. It's been so long since Em and I had some one on one talking time. (I think it was when we went to Benihana for my b-day) I got more of the Wahleecon rundown, update on the fam, heard her plans for her new place that she will be moving for Grad School. Wow...grad school. How cool is that? Here I am with my Humanities Associate Degree....and my best friend is working on her masters. I really need to figure out where I need to go with my education. Respiratory Therapy still sounds pretty good. I need to see what the U has to offer.
After Kneaders I took a quick jaunt to Old Navy to check out their rack. Nothin' too exciting, almost bought some funky flip-flops (that would have been called THONGS back in the day....) But then my phone rang. It was Ralin, who I feel like I haven't talked to in ages. Reception was terrible, so I went outside to my car to talk. Great gal, I need to hang out with her again.
For the afternoon, I met a new boy...Justin. He lives out in Riverton with four other bachelors in a pretty nice pad. First we played a little XBOX, Dead or Alive. I kicked Justin's hannah with Christie and her super-duper Egyptian pokey move. We had pizza and A&W (which Justin thinks is the only REAL root beer!) and watched a hillarious episode of Futurama.(About the lost city of Atlanta) Next we ventured to the foosball table, listened to a little Evanescence and I got my hannah kicked.
"Be Somebody, or Be Somebody's Fool" was a motivational video done by Mr. T back in the 80s. Holy Hannah....can we say hillarious? "I'm just waitin' for a gym to open on my corner." I laughed my socks off, so to speak (Justin jokes that he is single as a lost sock) I've SO got to get me a copy of that movie!. We also played a little pool. I am just about as bad at pool as at foosball, but it was plenty entertaining. Ah, the flirtation that can result in a game of pool. I once heard that it is a good game to check is someone's "goose is cooked." Too bad I scratched when trying to sink the 8 ball.
But here's the real dish on Justin. I was immediately taken by Justin. Not necessarily by looks (although he does have a cute babyface) but he has a very magnetic personality. Then we were watching Futurama, I was laying on the couch, with my feet up on his lap. He was rubbing them, it felt so nice. Then he put his arm up on the couch and kicked back (obviously because he wanted to put his arm around me!) It was quite comfortable. And he kept telling me how beautiful my voice was when I was singing along to Evanescence. When we were watching Mr. T, he had his arm around me again, getting smirks from his roommates. I caught him licking his lips, in that unconcious-type way. That's when I knew I'd caught his attention.
When we were playing pool, it was all about the flirtation. We kept distracting each other on our shots. He mentioned how he loves musicals, and was embarrased to disclose that. I was quite happy to hear it. His favorite show is Brigadoon. (he has such a great Scottish accent!) After about an hour of pool, I took a rest in the bean bag chair, and Justin joined me. We cuddled for a few minutes, and he asked, "may I kiss you?" Sometimes that question is very awkward (like hello! I've been flirting it up, don't you think I want to be kissed!!) But with him it was very respectful. And "holy hannah". What an incredible kisser. Very delicate and thoughtful, so much nicer than the awkward first kisses with Dan. And I loved how he seduced me in Italian. Very hot. He kept doing this little eye-rolling thing and groan, telling me that I was smokin' hot. The only somewhat awkward moment was when he grabbed by butt. I totally froze up. He could tell how uncomfortable I was by it. Earlier he told me how he was checking me out while playing pool, and I figured it was all talk. Guess it was good enough to want a piece. So...other than that....I had such a wonderful time.
Saturday, June 19, 2004
I've always felt like I'm a loyal friend. I have a very hard time giving people up and letting them go on with their lives when circumstances change. This would explain why I have such a large circle of friends and acquaintances. I can be away from a friend for a year...and pick up a conversation out of the dust that feels like no time has passed. Free-spirited, and craving opportunities to meet new people for mutual life enhancement. Chalk it up to being Aquarian, I suppose. But I realize that not all people are like this.
I just read an LJ entry from my friend...let's call him "jailbait." He came into my life at a somewhat lonely, and significantly more confused time in my life. He is a great friend, generous, complimentary, excellent listener and advice giver (although I didn't always TAKE his advice to heart.) We've had some very great times together in the last few months. However, his romantic interest in me did not reciprocate. There were some awkward moments when I had played up the flirtation and he got the "I am ready to kiss you" look in his eye. We never did kiss, but there were plentiful hugs and tickle wars on his couch (that we joke that I "used" him for) But in the last month (which consequently is the same month that Dan took up the majority of my time and thoughts) I haven't been there for him like I once was. Not that I don't enjoy him any less, I just had my focus elsewhere. The last time were were together, we went to a star show at the Clark Planetarium. He was an absolute grumpster that night. He kind of disappeared at the time I disappeared to pursue Dan. In his LJ entry, he was pretty fed up about me.
"...well, she just hasn't been as good of a friend as I had hoped she would be...she never did take a real interest in me..but...she's cool anyways...i'm much more strait talking now then I ever have been...kind of just telling people the way things really are...like w/ my "friend" NP...i told her the other day that I had just assumed that we had reached that point where we had drifted apart and going our seperate ways...as friends that don't make an effort sometimes do...and as sad as that is, you know...I don't need friendships where I'm the only one that is making an effort...so...I let them go that way..."
I suppose I was selfish, lapping up the attention he so willingly gave. I thought he felt like I was giving something back too...there were times we cried together for how thankful we were to have each other apart of our lives. I don't want him to feel like I am used him, but maybe I did. I'm sorry that I haven't been for him what he had hoped I would be. I hope he knows that I wasn't just trying to "fake being a friend." I don't know if he will be willing to accept overdue friendship fees.
Ah....the Pearl Awards. The equivalent of the Mormon Grammys. The Faith Centered Music Association's Night of glitz and glamor. Being a devout Eclipse fan, I was thrilled to be there as one of their groupies. But the night was so much more than Eclipse.
I had general admission tickets, which put me up in the balcony, but there were many open reserved seats, so there were selecting GA people to move to the floor.I was happy with my new seats....smack dab in the middle of Enoch Train, and across the aisle and two rows back from Eclipse. I saw so many performers and local personalities, it was fun to rub shoulders with the big-wigs (Kenneth Cope, Clive Romney, Sam Payne, and many many others. I also sat near Kae Compton (Nathan McEuen's mom, whose hubby Dave is in Enoch Train) as well as Lee and Nancy Vance, and Courtenay Midgeley...avec the JR turned Eclipse fan club. The most disconcerting event of the evening was being checked out by Steven Kapp Perry (yes, he was definitely checking me out) But I was happy to be checked out by Scott Christensen...I mean Christopher (yep, he's hot when he grins and winks)
The evening took more time than I expected. I had to be seated at 6:45, and the ticket info stated that the show would begin at 7. I was expecting 2, maybe 2 1/2 hours. But 7 is when the pre-show began. Presenting the awards that are announced as "previously awarded." (This would include Eclipse winning Best Recorded Christmas Single "This Year" and Christmas Album of the Year "Three Kings.") There was lots of practicing.....applauding, laughing, showing rapt attention, to be recorded for spots where the live show needed a little enhancement. The show actually began at 8:15ish. The performances were excellent (especially Sam Payne, Eclipse, and the Martin's Cove Benefit song) The humor was witty (provided by Eric D Snyder...plenty of jello, funeral potatoes, olympics, I-15 construction, and NICK MOE jokes) I finally got out of the auditorium around 11:15. Yep, 4 1/2 fun-filled hours. I was so ready to rip of my formal dress.
Afterwards, I met up with Trevor(text message king...."Let's play tonight!") for ice cream at Leatherbys. Mmmmmm.
I woke up feeling a bit icky, stomach flu or something. My body protested and protested to get up. But I finally did, had to get Rosie ready to go to Idaho for the weekend. Steve slept in, and wanted to meet me at work, so I met him there and said goodbye to Rosie. I already miss her. Can't wait to see her tomorrow night, however tomorrow is Father's Day (and since Steve is her Father....it's definitely a day she gets to be with him)
I was feeling out of it at work. One of those days that you try to focus and feel like you don't get anything accomplished. (course, being dizzy, feverish, and taking trips to worship the porcelain god don't help) I listened to more of Jeremy's CDs...Erasure, Dido, Seal, DM....stuff that I miss terribly since my car was violated. I finally called it quits and headed home about lunchtime, and crashed for a nap till about 5ish. (sugarplum fairy, sugarplum fairy...oh wait that was John Lennon...anyways happy b-day Paul McCartney)
Thought about Dan a lot. He's been working on "BLACKBIRD" for me on his guitar, and now the link is on his LJ for the recording. Can't wait to hear it.Time for some lyrics...haven't done that in a few days.......(Forgive me EM, for the LJ spam. I need a demonstration on the correct way to post lyrics)
There'll be times when my crimes
Will seem almost unforgivable
I give in to sin
Because you have to make this life livable
But when you think I've had enough
From your sea of love
I'll take more than another riverful
And I'll make it all worthwhile
I'll make your heart smile
Strangelove, strange highs and strange lows
Strangelove, that's how my love goes
Strangelove, will you give it to me
Will you take the pain
I will give to you, again and again
And will you return it
I'm not trying to say I'll have it all my way
I'm always willing to learn
When you've got something to teach
And I'll make it all worthwhile
I'll make your heart smile (Strangelove, DM)
Thursday, June 17, 2004
it had been several months since anyone had sparked my interest so much
Dear in the Headlights says:
well, the sparking was definitely mutual
Dear in the Headlights says:
getting to know you has been wonderful... but I'm scared that it's not going to be healthy for either of us if we just cling to it and ignore the facts
Candyland Champ says:
I don't know about you.....but I'm feeling really good about this. My mind keeps going a zillion different directions...thinking about how wonderful you have been to me...and how much I'll miss the time we have spent together....
Dear in the Headlights says:
yeah, it feels right. as much as I've enjoyed our month together, and as hard as it is, and how much I've missed you this week, I really think it's for the best
So it's over now. I don't know how I'm feeling. We still want to be friends. But "friends" didn't end up being so...."friendly." I last saw Dan Sunday. Feels like much longer. I won't know what to do with myself on my breaks at work...I will just been a distraction to him if I text message him. And it's time to find a new hobby, I think. Take up some of the time he was taking up. And maybe go to the dance on Friday. *sigh* The dance...."the scene of our controversial first date."
I lost my date for the Pearl Awards. Guess I'll get all fancied up and see if I can catch my favorite bass's eye.
Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: New Order, The Cure, Vertical Horizon
Posted by Nicole at 7:28 AM
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
I've never been much into astrology, but at dinner last night, Gary and I were talking about it a bit. He is a Virgo. And I just busted up laughing. What's up with me attracting Virgos? Alan's a Virgo....Steve's a Virgo.....Tim's a Virgo...Dan's a Virgo...and now Gary? I decided to do a little research on the Aquarius/Virgo relationship..... (remember, this is just for entertainment purposes!)
"On their first meeting Aquarians see Virgoans as someone who thinks like they do, in an analytical way and they find that a nice surprise. Virgoans see Aquarians in a similar way and appreciate their friendly manner. Aquarians find Virgoans have an independent nature much like their own and are easy to be friends with. Virgoans find Aquarians different to other people but sociable, someone to have an interesting time with. Neither sign has the need for an emotional relationship but this doesn't mean there won't be an attraction between them.
Aquarians want to be free to make friends with everyone and Virgoans need order in their lives. This combination is almost impossible but if both have planets like Venus (love), Mars (desires), the Moon (emotions) and Mercury (mentality) in other more compatible signs this match can work. If not it may be that the Aquarian feels too restricted by routine and decides to go off on their own leaving the Virgoan to sort out the mess left behind. This relationship will always be difficult but if they are prepared to work at it Aquarians can learn to be a bit more organised and Virgoans can learn that being perfect isn't always best."(http://www.astralarts.com/virrel.h
This partnership unites two spirits with very different approaches to life and not a lot in common. Simple understanding, let alone sympathy, may be awfully hard to find between these two. Aquarius, the ingenious idealist, the experimenter and risk-taker, and the futuristic humanitarian works in his fashion to improve life for masses of humanity -- even generations he will never live to see. Virgo is fixed on providing work and service today for people who can benefit from his special talents and skills now.
What do you think? Destined for failure? If I ever get married again, it will probably be a Virgo.
(postscript 3/29/09 Taylor's a Virgo. LOL)
Today is the sleepiest I've been on a workday in ages. I have two explanations. One is that I haven't been taking one of my meds to keep me awake during the day. I'm in prescription stimulant withdrawl. I have my sleep oximitery test tonight. Had to take a long lunch to drive to Alta View Hospital sleep lab to pick up the machine. I'll have to use PTO this week. GRRRR
The other reason is that right after my head hit the pillow last night, my cell phone rang. I toyed with the idea of leting it be and just attempting to sleep, but I was not tired enough to sleep as "Robotica" (my ring tone) pulsed and vibrated next to my feet. I answered the phone and it was Tim Fritz. About 10 seconds into the conversation my smoke alarm beeped. It has been beeping anywhere from every 3 minutes to every hour since February. Yes, I know that I could have avoided a lot of insanity-causing sound effects had I just gone to the neighbor's house and borrowed a ladder (It was on my vaulted ceiling, not quite low enough to use a chair)
SO anyways...Fritz insisted on a after-midnight maintenence run to fix my smoke alarm. Kinda silly to be the damsel in auditory-distress, rescued by a mechanically-minded hotty. He has complained everytime that I have talked to him about his annoyance of the beeping. So now I can rest easy, and he won't have to complain when he calls me. Funny that he decided to show up at 1 am.
So...that said...once I actually fell asleep, I was out like a log. With no beeping. Just only got 5 hours of sleep. Goin' to bed early tonight with the pusle-ox in my finger. If any of you catch me up past 10 pm tonight....scold me and send my to my bedroom.
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Avril Lavigne, The BEEEESS, Black-Eyed Peas, Eclipse
Monday, June 14, 2004
Such an eventful weekend, and such a lame day at work. I will just put a few highlights from the last few days..
Friday: Orem Summerfest with Dan. "And she's shopping at Seven-Ele-uh-ven" Missed all but the last song from Moosebutter, but I chatted with Tim and he hooked me up with a new copy of See Dee. Jon Schmidt, Nancy Hansen, and Peter Breinholt were great. Dan and I enjoyed ourselves muchly. Afterwards I introduced him the the Brick Oven. MMMMMMMMM
Satuday: Hiked in Adams Canyon with Dan. Didn't make it to the waterfall, but did enjoy sitting on the rock in the middle of the stream, splashing Dan and enjoying the scenery. Would have liked to stay longer, but wanted to catch Peter B at Eagle Mountain. Began the concert in the back of the crowd, and with the poor sound quality I was not enjoying myself as much as the typical Peter B show. But Rosie and I ran into Leslie Allard up by the stage, and we ended up chillin' together for a while. I also ran into Aaron Ganz and Jake Lambson with their ladies. Fun to get caught up. Scary moment of the night was losing Rosie. Had the Sheriffs do a CODE ADAM and were able to find her. Scared the heck out of me. Left early, but did catch some of the fireworks.
Sunday: Slept in (HEAVEN!) Church was great. I sang in Sacrament Meeting, which was wonderful. Gospel Doctrine was Alma 5. Talk about a pierce you in the heart chapter. But everytime I read it, I am inspired to do better. I want to have His image in my countenance. And RS was about the Priesthood. So powerful.
Was having a craving for chocolate "crisp" cookies, so I made a couple batches. Dan wanted to come over, so I figured I should make an attempt at seeming domesticated (a la Stepford Wives) In waiting for Dan, I had an impromptu visit from the cute bookstore boy. He ate my cookies and exploited my couch. But I forgive him, because he's (in the words of Emily) "just so pretty." Watched a very hillarious episode on Cartoon Network about spanking. ROFLMBO Then Dan came and we watched "The Sixth Sense." Went narcoleptic on him, but it's all his fault for being so darn comfy. Three days in a row with him. Guess we're not so broken up anymore. He wants me to play fashion consultant for him this week. Old Navy and Chik-Fil-A date....fun fun.
Today: New update of IDX. It is completely inefficient.All of my favorite "ACTION" codes have been deleted. Wasted half my morning on failed batches and CIF's that could only be partially completed. But on the upside, got to eat BTS cake for Heidi's b-day. Mentioned it to Dan, and got a SAUCY email back from him. Thus, focus lost for the rest of the workday. Listened to the DMB mix CD Dan gave me today.(it was a half-eared attempt) and started reading The Stepford Wives (which Dan also gave me :) That boy just treats me so darn sweetly.
Just got an IM from Michael (mdw_hedger) He's getting married August 18th. Funny that the last time I talked to him, he was itchin' for a little lip. But I'm happy for him. As he would say, "good on ya!"
Ok....gonna take a break and pull some stinky weeds.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Today I went insane at work. I was listening to music and trying to overhear a nearby co-workers conversation at work, and decided to get up to join in. Unfortunately, I forgot to take the earphones out of my ears, and one popped apart in my ear and shocked me. After the initial zing in my ear wore off, I realized that it broke my earphones. I fiddled around with them, trying to get the wires to reconnect to no avail. They are a goner. So I had to brave the majority of my workday without my tunes. Grrr
As for the conversation I was joining, Gina's ex was taken off life support last night...and amazingly released from the hospital today! However, he took a turn for the worse and ended up readmitted this afternoon. Ah, swiftly life can change.
Today was rainy, and I listened to U2 in the car on the way home.
Compromise that's nothing new to you.
Let's see colours that have never been seen
Let's go places no one else has been
You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
Well if the sky can crack there must be someway back
To love and only love
Electrical storm (Electrical Storm, U2)
Oh, another song I had in my head today. I just found out that Cake does a version of it too.
you won't admit you love me.
and so how am i ever to know?
you always tell me
perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
a million times i ask you,
and then i ask you over
again, you only answer
perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
Wednesday, June 9, 2004
Just received the BEST wedding announcement ever! Two Mingle folk:
unappreciative, selfish and overbearing people the first
Cheryl Kay Oster and Michael John Blair
to announce that being appreciated is so much fun that
they will tie the proverbial knot.
Saturday, the 26th Day of June 2004
Your presence is requested at this
joyous occasion. The Ceremony will be held at 11 a.m. at
1585 North 2300 West, Provo, Utah.
Reception to follow until 1 p.m.
Two Southern California kids from
the same mold...
it doesn't get any better than this folks!
No Gifts Please!
You don't marry someone you can live with,
You marry the person you cannot live without.
Well, that's one way to do it!
The un-Readers Digest Version of Today: Woke up around 7:10...threw clothes on Rosie and myself. "Worked" 3 hours today, but it wasn't much work. The cubicles were being torn down and rearranged to accommodate the new employees for our Urban Central Psych providers. Now Natalie will sit by me. Hehe. So for the first hour I was moving stuff on my desk to accommodate them ripping my desk apart piece by piece. Since our computers were down, the team bummed around for an hour or so until we could leave for the summer party. I talked to Gina, whose ex-husband got in a motorcycle accident yesterday. He is on life support, things don't look up for him. She went to a psychic a few weeks ago, and was told a funeral would be coming up. She is freaked.
I stopped by the post office to pick up the certified letter. It was from the towing company that took Steve's car when he totalled it two weeks ago. Since my name is still on the title, I guess that I can be held liable for the towing and impound charges. Steve assures me that the insurance will take care of it, but I need to make sure I stay on top of it.
The A/R management summer party was at the Triple D Ranch. (TRIPLE D??????) Warm, sunny, and very windy. Yummy lunch, hayride with Rosie, and even a bit of a display from a few drunk lesbians. Texted Dan many times. And won Hale Center Theater tickets in Bingo! (traded them from a golf game)
Did a little shopping. Bought some new capris and a few shirts (the best one is yellow, with FRESLY SQUEEZED in green across the front) I just love the Old Navy clearance rack.....
So now I'm home....IMing Dan.
Listened to a lot of MB20 today. MMMMM Rob Thomas. I think I agree with Ralin about the healing effects of his voice. She and I need to go on a concert roadtrip and drool over him. The night Dan and I went to the comedy club, we listened to MB20 on the way home. I told him about how I feel like what is described in Hand Me Down. And he just held me. Everytime I've listened to the song since I think of that....
Someday they’ll find your small town world on a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk when they’re talking to you
Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth
They’ll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say
They’re gonna break your heart, yeah
From what I’ve seen
You’re just a one more hand me down
Cause no one’s tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now
Somebody ought to take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they’re under your skin
Never once did think they’d lie when they’re holding you
You wonder why they haven’t called
When they said they’d call you
You start to wonder if you’re ever gonna make it by
You’ll start to think you were born blind
I’m here for the hard times
The straight to your heart times
Whenever it ain’t easy
You can stand up against me
And maybe rely on me
And cry on me, yeah
Oh no, no, no
Some day they’ll open up your world
Shake it down on a drawing board
Do their best to change you
They still can’t erase you
Lay them down on me
You’re just one more hand me down
And all those nots don’t give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down...on me (Hand Me Down, Matchbox 20)
Dan posted an LJ entry about me today. I've got him quoting lyrics too..
So here we are tonight, you and me together
The storm outside, the fire is bright
And in your eyes I see what’s on my mind
You’ve got me wild, turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping up heavy inside here
And do you feel the same way as I do now
Now let’s make this an evening
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight
Stay here with me, love, tonight
Just for an evening
When we make our passion pictures
You and me twist up as secret creatures
And we’ll stay here
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Go back to being friends, but tonight let’s be lovers, we kiss and sweat
We’ll turn this better thing
To the best
Of all we can offer, just a rogue kiss
Tangled tongues and lips,
See me this way
I’m turning and turning for you
Girl, just tonight
"Say Goodbye" - DMB
Tuesday, June 8, 2004
I miss Dan. I'm chatting in MSN right now, but we've returned to the same topic of why he can't accept conventional religion. I admitted that I think I was in love with him. He seemed pretty floored. Maybe I shouldn't have said it. But I felt some relief in that disclosure.
So, I never made it to the post office. I dropped of paperwork for Linda, and rescheduled working for her until Thursday. I met up with Tim Fritz for dinner at Iggys. Very nice guy...I was a little uncomfortable when he started talking about his love of all things alcohol (as I was drinking my house-brewed Root Beer) Mom and Linda think its good that I am willing to be dating other people...trying to get my mind off Dan. I don't know if I want to though.
Tomorrow is the A/R Management Summer party at Triple D Ranch. I am excited to only have to work 3 hours, then spend the day with Rosie. She's such a cutie...and I think I will head up to bed to snuggle with her.
Current Mood: contemplative
Just got home from work. Hard time concentrating....it's not hard to figure out why. But I did finish 92 accounts today...how that happened I'm not sure. I'm in the mood for melon gelato, but I don't want to drive down to Crossroads. I need to stop by the post office, there's a certified letter for me. (Who on earth would be sending me a certified letter?) And I will be doing some work for Linda tonight. But for now, I'm IMing Mark...the hot bookstore boy with the gorgeous eyes. Maybe I need to take a trip to sneak a peek of him again. That could be better than gelato. hehe
Got my ticket confirmation for the Pearl Awards next Friday. Eclipse is up for 5 awards.
Posted by Nicole at 4:02 PM
How many times does it take for me to listen to people and actually join the LJ bandwagon? Sheesh. After Emily's Wahleecon stuff, and Lark's suggestion...I guess I've fallen into peer pressure yet again
So tonight I chopped my hair. The breakup ritual. I cut off a few inches, added some layers, and thinned about half of it out. It's pretty cute...let's just see how the compliments on it are. Hehe.
I think I thought about Dan at least 100 times today. Tried to leave him alone, but I sent him a few texts:
1)Hangin in there ok today? I never meant to cause u trouble. I never meant to do you harm (response:Yeah, I'm hanging in there. I think the weight of it has hit harder today. How r u?)
2)The hardest its been so far. Listening to coldplay and thinking about our good times (no response)
3)On my way with rosie for haircuts. Any suggestions? Mullet or mohawk? (response:How about combining the two? You could call it the mullhawk!)
4)I decided against the mullhawk. Hair is not what I expected though. What have you been up to? (no response)
Posted by Nicole at 7:09 AM