Twelve Utah Christmases

On my first Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
Popcorn popping on the apricot tree

On my second Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two years on a mission
And the Smart family on my TV

On my third Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three Degrees of Glory
Two years in Australia
And a First Amendment controver-sy

On my fourth Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
4-A high school roundball
Three Sunday meetings
Two years in Korea
And that business with the SLOC

On my fifth Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
FIVE-QUART ICE CREAMS
Four firing squads
Three scrapbooks
Two years in Peru
And a movie that's G or PG

On my sixth Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six kids and counting
FIVE YEARS OF DROUGHT
Four quilting bees
Three meth labs
Two years in Japan
And a reservoir that's almost emp-ty

On my seventh Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven singing Osmonds
Six kids and counting
FIVE TOM GREEN WIVES
Forbidden love
Three spudnuts
Two years in Brazil
And a single poli-tickle par-ty

On my eighth Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight cups of Postum
Seven kids and counting
Six beehive hairdos
FIVE MONTHS OF SNOW
Forty private clubs (for members)
Three-two beer
Two years in Taiwan
And a salty lake that's really stink-y

On my ninth Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine percent minorities
Eight kids and counting
Seventies in Conference
Sixteen to start dating
FIVE FEET OF SLUSH (Oh my heck!)
Forgeries for sale
Three-piece suits
Two years in Ukraine
And a fiancée in Happy Vall-ey

On my tenth Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten bucks for parking
Nine kids and counting
Eight missing off-ramps
Seven guns per person
Six famous golfers
UTAH BY FIVE
Fourteen ski resorts
Three fault lines
Two years in Detroit
And a minivan or SUV (or both, plus a station wagon)

On my eleventh Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eleven Mormon temples
Ten kids and counting
Nine NuSkin neighbors
Ate at Chuck-a-Rama
Theven thpecial thpiritth
Six Jell-o salads
FIVE ORRIN TERMS (Oh my Hatch!)
Forecast is cold
Three Eubanks (three?)
Two years in Tibet
And an uncompleted Lega-cy (Highway)

On my twelfth Utah Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve-year-old deacons
Eleven kids and counting
Ten percent tithing
Nine zillion seagulls
Ate a bunch of crickets
Seven Peaks in Provo
Six hours to Vegas
FIVE PRO SPORTS TEAMS (if you count indoor football)
Four standard works
Three Nephites
Tooele sucks!
And a Tabernacle Choir CD !!!!!

(This truly is my 12th Christmas in Utah, by the way)
Mad props to spaff.com for this "peculiar" parody